Airplanes

How did I become so restless?

I've come to self realization that I'm not smart or pretty or talented in any way.
Even the world's most dangerous criminal has the talent of being so evil. I don't have any. Might as well beg at the streets. There were so many times that I promised myself to change but I failed to do so. Why? I'm lazy. A fucking lazy bitch.

True enough I see no point in studying. Now, everything is changing. In this world, no education equals to no respect from other people. They'll look down on you and talk behind your back. Who cares what they say right?
But come to think of it, an education shows how capable and how far you can stretch yourself. Of course it needs loads of money but if YOU can stretch yourself to the limit then scholarships will be offered.
I'm not even stretching.
I'm walking like a tortoise not even racing to the finish line.

With one life, you can disappoint many. These past few weeks, I've heard of many people passing away. ESPECIALLY these past few weeks. Perhaps it is a sign that life is unpredictable. Appreciate and do all you can while you're still alive.
With my life, there is one person in particular that I do not want to disappoint. Which is Grandma. Then of course my parents, aunty, uncle, etc.
Sometimes, I don't see the point of me living. But when I think of Grandma, all I can think of how devastated she can be if anything happens to me. She has been there my whole entire life. No words can describe what she has done. Of course, Mom & Dad too. But thats whole different story.

So what am I going to do now?

FIRST, get back on track with HSC.
That means skipping lunch hour and got to the library to revise. After class at 4, library again. Make sure you study please. And of course another thing, ATTEND CLASSES. Really.
Must not skip classes because you're too lazy to wake up or raining or whatever shit.

SECOND, save money.
No more buying unnecessary items such as clothes, chocolates, shoes, etc.
That is going to be hard but CONTROL.

THIRD, keep your mind focus.
Don't get easily distracted such as outings, movies or partying. Keep your mind attached to one thing for now which is studying. Other than that, NOTHING. My mind can very very get easily distracted. Such as now, it is already distracted by CC -.-
I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe for 10 minutes then him again.
Got to keep this relationship casual, Syn. Casual.

LASTLY, family.
I'll keep this for next time.