6th August 09'

I am really happy today :)



Well till now.

Have you ever felt like you have a ton of responsibilities for you to take care besides than studying ?
Have you ever felt guilty for sitting down on the chair reading while people outside are suffering?
Have you ever felt like you have to wear a mask to pretend so that other people won't know who you really are?

I have.

So, Grandma was discharged today. But she look so weak. Her hands are fill with bruises from the needles. Her face so pale and less vibrant than before. I was holding back my tears. Shes quite emotional herself you see. When I got back from tuition, I tried helping around the house. I know it wasn't enough.
Mom asked Grandma to take her medications. After taking, Grandma jokingly said that she felt like fainting. She couldn't support herself. Mom brought her to the room. There, Grandma laid on the bed.
A far I could see she was suffering.
I knew I couldn't leave her. Not even one second.
Dad is always busy, I don't want to burden Mom with her new job anymore, Jon is too young, I simply can't ask help from Grandaunt since she has to work herself. I have the advantage.
Not working, got time, energy, living under the same roof.
I could monitor and help her 24/7. So why not? Even if it takes for me to skip trials I will do it.

You see, Grandma...

She is not like any other Grandma.
I was her first grandchild. & I know among all her grandchildren she is fond of me the most.
She knows that whatever happens I'm dependable.
Since young, Mom&Dad were always busy working that most of my childhood times I spent my Grandma back in PJ. Believe it or not, most of the time Grandma did all the ethic teachings & table manners.
She taught me not to be a spoilt brat.

She taught me to be who I am today.
I owe her more than my life.
I love her wider than the universe itself.
I admire her as an inspiration.


And now, she is sick.
I'm really trying to be strong. But how strong can I be?
I have this pride of not telling anyone my privacy.
This pride has been with me for 17 years. Thanks to it, I have become a much cold hearted bitch.
So now I am here.
what do i do now?