Exhausted.

This space is my sanctuary yet it is embarrassing to say much about anything at all. I want to vent out my frustrations and outline what happened at home but doesn't it cross the line?
Can anybody hear me out? Or do I have to be cautious in my sanctuary as well?

At times I wonder if my parents fragmented relationship have affected mine. Have my decision over the years in my past relationships been affected greatly by my parents relationship dynamic?
The more I ponder over this question and relate it to things that have happened, the more I start to think that it has. I don't know how to explain this dynamic and neither can I explain how it has affected. Surely though my parents dynamic (bad or good times) is not the main causal factor of how I act in my own relationships but it greatly affected my emotions.Sometimes I loathe myself for being emotionally driven to chase love that I forget how to love. 
Its a vicious cycle. My actions have brought pain beyond words upon those who love me and distrust. There is no possible way to rewind time to undo my actions. 
I keep wondering what is wrong till I couldn't appreciate what is right.

Oh Syn,
Mom, Dad. How can we possibly fix this? Please teach me how to love, for all I know is how to hurt. My heart is aching from all the frustration and all I wish now is normalcy.