From Where You Are.

After one long month I finally got a reply.

It was a rejection.
My first reaction was, nothing. I didn't feel a sense of rejection or disappointment. Perhaps it was because I checked my e-mail during an important meeting so I wasn't fully engaged to the fact yet. After the meeting ended, said goodbyes to my new colleagues, I sat in the car staring at the steering wheel for a good ten minutes before starting the engine.
My application got rejected.
"Synna Ong, you're not getting in."
I drove aimlessly till I noticed a familiar building. I stopped the car by the side and stared at the pile of rocks which I can still distinctly remember playing 'Masak-masak'  with the bitches using dry leaves as the dishes, sago seeds as seasoning and the rocks as our stove. 
It was my primary school. While staring at the dark empty field, tears were rolling down my cheeks even though I tried to suppress my emotions. 
Although there was a pinch of disbelief but mainly I was disappointed at myself for disappointing others. I turned down an offer from New Straits Times because I had the full confidence that my application will be approved. Which is why it lead me to doing part-time at Friday's.
The next afternoon everything was a blur.
I can't remember what were the table numbers anymore.
I can't recall the menu specialty.
All I knew was I had to work and Guests were my main priority. 


"Hey Synna, are you okay? I don't see your smile today."


Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I choked as I uttered, "I'm fine." 
It took me a while to realize where was I and what I was doing next. I was leaning down to the railing outside Parade staring blankly at my phone. When reality hit me, I noticed that my phone screen was wet from the tears. The sun was at the highest and my back was sweating. I can't remember how long I stood there.
5 minutes? 20? An hour.
After the two hours of break, I head back to work. My supervisor asked me yet again, the same question.
Oh goodness not again. Please, please don't.
He didn't know what went wrong with me but he didn't push me to tell him the issue either. I am grateful to have him part of my life now to seek for advice.
For once, I am the little sister.

It was perhaps the breaking point my life. I didn't know where to go or what I was doing. Everything was a blur and from a solid education path, the future now is vague. My eyes were swollen and my five senses weren't even aware of the surroundings.
My mind then shifted to work. From intern with Hannah Yeoh till busing tables at TGIF.
I think it was the people that I've met throughout my life that put me through this obstacle. No matter the age, gender, nationality, race or religion, individually they taught me a lesson without realizing it.
Every little action to words they say had the ramification to the next step that I decided to take.


Just a few nights ago, after attending Grandmother's 80th, Dad had coffee with a couple of family friends at Old Town. As usual my earphones were plugged in and I slowly wandered off into my own thoughts. An old lady limping approached us and asked for donations claiming she has cancer and explaining her hardships in her daily life. 
It was then the Manager kindly asked her to leave as it was not allowed to 'beg' at the premise. Ignoring her words, she continued to ramble about her difficulties to find a job due to her condition and even showed us a blur photocopied newspaper cutting in Mandarin(which no one in the table could understand) as an example. Out of compassion, Mom offered her a seat at the table beside so she could order whatever food she wants and the bill will be settled by us. The lady thanked us repeatedly and shook our hands.
It made me think, as usual.

Why did she choose to 'ask' for money from strangers?

Don't she have family members to help her out in her condition?

Does she do this routine DAILY just to feed herself?

Perhaps this simple situation doesn't give much impact on others as it is a common action that happens in my country, Malaysia. No matter it was a scam trick because she is lazy to work or no matter it was a genuine situation that she really is having a hard time, the question remains, why.
Why does she have to do this?
For money? No doubts, yes.
But again, why?
Why can't she try harder to seek for job opportunities or assistance at the local service center(Penang Council/ MCA)?
You might be thinking my mind is thinking too much and why can't I stop asking the question 'Why'. Well, first of all I can't change this strange character of mine and secondly, WHY NOT? We are all humans after all. Shouldn't we help and pay attention towards each other? This slight matter drives me to not give up so easily on one rejection.