Incomplete

I have one unsaved post but decided to let it remain unfinished because I don't know how to put an end to a story.

As much as I vowed to 'fix' myself, I haven't really put much effort or thought to it because deep down I know I'll never change for who I am.

Year 2010 was an eye opener to a more vicious world and mind you, it is only 4 hours drive away from home. Coming here was not an option, it was a choice. Infact it was beyond anyones expectations or speculations. The decision was made hastily and before you know it, I was already signing papers.

I completely forgotten how excited and eager I was for college to start. It was a new chapter of my life with a high chance for me to complete my lifetime goal. The first month went smoothly without any tears or emotional downturn. I was keeping track in my studies and feeling positive for a better tomorrow.

So how did I turn into a much depressed teenageer after that?

As I'm trying to rewind back the tapes of my life, it is harder to note down what happened and how I feel. This happen because I realize the mistakes I made was all because of myself wanting more than what I've got and over confidence that I have what it takes for it. Thanks to all my immaturity and reckless attitude I trap myself into a blackhole fill with lies, backstabbing and indirectly, hurt myself emotionally deeper than ever. Day by day my mind was eluded by the unnecessary thoughts that I forgot my main purpose to come here. I have to admit it was hard to fit myself comfortably into the social life here but the hardships was worth it.

You can't enjoy the ease of life if you haven't see the ugliness in it.

In my case, friendships were on the rocks and my heart was broken multiple times. Through it all, I experienced the hardships in life. My skin became thicker and true colours of others were revealed. However, I'm thankful enough to have my bffs stood by me the entire time eventhough they are 4 hours away. They adviced me the right and wrong and listened to my ridiculous random rants!

Just this afternoon I texted Ernst which was all the way in Melbourne to ask him, "How to have an empty mind?"

I have no clue how they can withstand my grumblings . They ALL deserve a Noble Prize for that :) I am blessed to have them by my side.

Just four more weeks, I'll have to sit for my external exams.

Three weeks after that, I have to start packing my bags and back to home.

However, my stay in Penang is not over. Neither it will be over for a long time. Things do change when opportunity arrises.