Moodless

Its the emotional turmoil again. Happy times only come for a while.

Its the feeling where you know that things would not be the same again, the feeling where everything to you seem incorrect or misplaced & you blame on the clouds

"What the fck did I to you that you have my life planned out like this?!"

Unexpected things will happen when you least expect it.

When you expect things to happen, things just don't go your way.

" Whats on your mind? "

I'm trying to figure out myself.
Ask me one thousand times I'll give you one thousand different answers because my feelings can be different every second. So the best answer is I have no idea.

One second I feel the world around me is too perfect and the next everything is just plain bullshit and I'll be unhappy with that ugly expression on my face. I shouldn't feel this way.

I should be feeling lucky that I'm here. Alive & well.
I often feel like the things around me aren't good enough when plenty of people out there don't even have the privilege of having a roof under them or having three meals per day. Call me a selfish bitch & instead of giving you a slap in the face, I'll buy you an ice cream because I agree with you hands down.
If you think you're very unlucky, just think of those who don't have a home.
I count my blessings of having such amazing&supportive friends among me. Who cares what colour/ rich/ what parents/ species/ smart/ stupid/ fat/ ugly/ beautiful/ short/ tall/ bitchy they are. Its the heart that matters.

" A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. ☻ "
-- Bernard Meltzer.

Many live with their parents expectations but 'luckily' my parents don't really expect much out of me. However I expect plenty from myself. & when those expectations turn to hopeless dreams, my friends live up with depression.
They pick me up whenever I fall & live through my horrible moodswings/ attitude. They deserve a better friend than me. But I'm lucky that they stood by my side 24/7. Never once, they failed me.
I hate it when they give advices or scold me when I stupid things.
I hate it when they bother TOO much about my life.
But in the end, I know they did it because they love me. How could you not love these people? Every friend is like a gift that has been sent by heaven. So rare, unique & precious.
I'm sorry if I hurt you guys in anyway.
I'm sorry for my extremely bitchy mood and attitude.
I'm sorry for the stupid acts that I've been doing.
I promise to always take care of myself and think of the harmful things that you would do if I've done something stupid. This is what I call worth to live for :)



To those who are very concerned of me taking ciggies, thankyou <3